I'll start by saying the week leading up to Daniel's birth was one of the hardest of my life. And I'm really not trying to be dramatic. Aside from going 8 days late, I was one of the lucky few (yes that 1% of pregnant women) to get a PUPPS rash. If you have not heard of it, it's an extremely itchy rash that develops toward the end of pregnancy and only goes away once the baby is delivered. I'll just put it this way: it felt like I had rolled around in poison oak naked and I literally had to spend hours soaking in a bath of baking soda, which only helped minimally. And the worst part was if I scratched it even the tiniest bit, it would flare up and spread with a vengeance. As a side note I think I managed to buy every nearby Home Depot out of their aloe vera plants because that helped the most. Luckily I only had it for about 10 days because some women get it for 5 weeks or more and I can't even imagine. Anyway, that on top of going so late was really discouraging. Stephen did give me a wonderful blessing that helped me keep calm quite a bit because he said that things would work out the way I wanted them to and that's all I really needed to hear.
I was scheduled to be induced on Monday April 30th because my doctor did not want me going longer for fear that Daniel was getting too big. She had me all scared with phrases like "I think this is going to be a really big baby...like 9 pounds or more." Dr. Cloward I love you but I really don't need to hear your random, most likely inaccurate estimates at a time like this! Especially when I had been measuring "right on" my whole entire pregnancy until that last week. I don't know, maybe the kid had a growth spurt. I called my doula Stacy and she really got me through this "you're having a huge baby" freak out moment. She was wonderful and calmed me down and gave me back my confidence that I'd still be able to do this.
I had been praying (and asking my family to pray along with me) that I would be able to go into labor before that because my goal was to have an un-medicated birth and I knew that would be harder to achieve if I had to be induced and start from square one at the hospital. I was really hoping I'd be able to labor at home a significant amount of the time. Well, the days past and I walked, put clary sage on my wrists, got my self some good old fashioned acupuncture (which promised to start labor within 24 hrs IF the baby was ready), ate some really nasty Chinese food (no wonder he didn't oblige!), used evening primrose oil, and tried my hardest to convince that sweet boy to come! Nothing worked. I went ahead and accepted that I'd just get induced on Monday and by that point Monday couldn't come soon enough because of that blasted rash! I even called the hospital to see if I could get induced earlier (yes I was desperate) but they said no because my Dr. was not on call that weekend.
Well I'm glad I didn't get in sooner because believe it or not early early Sunday morning (4am) I got up to go to the bathroom and as I was washing my hands there was something between a gush and a trickle. My water had broken. And even though I knew that's what it was, it took me a good ten minutes to wrap my mind around it and call Stephen from the other room to tell him. At first I was thrilled but soon the realization came to me that although my water had broken, I was not contracting AT ALL and I suddenly got nervous, realizing I'd still need the pitocen (which for some reason seemed like this evil thing whose only purpose was to make labor more painful).
Well we got up and ready to head to the hospital. I called Stacy to let her know and she gave us the all important reminder to both eat something before we left (yes we would have forgotten). She said she'd meet us at the hospital as soon as things got going and we needed help. After getting on the road, turning around to grab the birth plan we had forgotten, and then getting back on the road, we were finally on our way. Once we got to the hospital around 6am, they took me in a room to check and make sure it was amniotic fluid I was leaking (there wasn't much room for doubt as I was soaking everything they put under me). It really was gross. I have to say, having a broken water throughout labor was by far one of my least favorite parts. They also checked Daniel's little heartbeat, which looked great. Then they checked me. This part was very discouraging because I was still only 1 centimeter dilated (right where I had been the past 3 weeks!) They also told me my cervix was very far back, which was another sign my body was taking its sweet time to get ready. I tried not to let this news get me down but in my mind all I could think was, "this is not going at all how I had planned!" Simultaneously I was thinking, you can still do this Emily. Then they had to get a quick ultrasound to make sure he wasn't breached before they started pitocen. The only problem was they didn't have an ultrasound tech so all the nurses huddled around the screen debating which body parts were where (this did not inspire much confidence) and came to the conclusion that MAYBE he was breached. And Stephen and I are sitting there thinking, there is no way! He had been head down for so long we knew there must be a mistake. Turned out they were looking at the thing upside down! Seriously next time just get an actual tech in there!
About 7am is when they started the pitocen. They had to stick my hand 3 times before getting the vein but I didn't feel so bad when later I heard there was another girl that night they had to stick 8 times! Our room had the most beautiful view of the mountains. And we had a wonderful nurse named Becky who was very calm and soft-spoken. I loved that. I loved it because all the nurses, including Becky, took the time to read my birth plan and were in full support. She started pitocen at a 2. I didn't feel a thing. About 30 minutes later she bumped it to a 4. Now I could feel mildly painful cramping, but nothing I couldn't handle. I think pitocen stayed at a 4 for about an hour. Then Becky upped it to 6. Now I was feeling some pain but the problem was my contractions were not very consistent. I spent these early hours of labor standing, walking, and swaying. Mostly I just wanted quiet. Stephen was anxious to help but he understood that I needed this time to myself to quietly focus. We had a hard time initially getting into our groove of how to work together, but eventually things clicked. I was also listening to my hypnobirthing cd. It was interesting because anytime I was able to focus getting my mind elsewhere with the scripts, my contractions became much more regular. The bummer is that darn cd player, which was brand new by the way, just suddenly stopped working! So I had Stephen leave to run to the store and buy a new one. While he was gone Stacy showed up, so it was good to have her get there. While this was all happening, Becky would also come in to check me. I was making progress, about 1 centimeter an hour I think. But that was fine with me because any progress kept me motivated. Becky kept upping the pitocen as well, first to an 8, and then to a 10. By this time Stephen was back which was really good because I needed help through these contractions, which were longer and much more intense. He mostly did counter-pressure on my knees and lower back while Stacy dabbed some essential oils by my ears (peppermint and orange) which actually helped distract me a lot.
This whole time I also had to wear the monitor that tracked Daniel's heart rate on a band strapped to my belly. This was incredibly annoying because it would slip off almost every time I tried getting in a position other than standing, like hands and knees for example. At one point when I was on my hands and knees having Stephen put counter pressure on my back, Daniel's heart rate dropped. At this point they decided the pitocen was too high for both Daniel and I (thank goodness!) and they turned it down to a 5. And at a 5 it stayed the rest of my labor! My body was finally on board with things! They also decided that the heart monitor was slipping off too much and they'd insert an internal monitor. All I'll say is that it took them so long to put this in (probably only 30 minutes but when you're contracting while being forced to stay still on your back it seems like hours). It was also really painful. But it solved the problem of that stupid band always slipping off. Becky also checked me again and I was at about 5 or 6 dilated, I can't remember.
Somewhere during all this I was moving into the transition stage. I of course didn't recognize it at the time, all I knew is that nothing Stephen and Stacy were doing was what I wanted (but I still desperately needed them and wouldn't let them take their hands off me for a second). I didn't know what I wanted. Everything was becoming hazy to me and time was passing in a really strange way. Logically I knew it was hours but it felt much faster. Yes I was in a whole lot of pain, but the feeling I had was this weird mix of desperation and strength at the same time. Transition (that point from about 7 or 8 centimeters on) was really one of the more out of body experiences I've had. It was so intense and everything felt blurry yet so focused at the same time. And the light seemed dim. I think they actually had dimmed the lights because I had mentioned wanting that in my birth plan. Over and over Stephen and Stacy would remind me that I could do this and that I was doing an incredible job. Their words were what kept me going the whole time. Then I heard Stacy tell Stephen she was pretty sure I was hitting transition. Sure enough when they checked me I was at an 8. I was thrilled when I heard this. I knew that if I could get that far I could go all the way. At some point I didn't want to stand anymore and Stephen and Stacy helped me lay on the bed. I was on my left side. Our new nurse Leslie also started her shift and she was so wonderful. Then came the unmistakable urge to start pushing. They checked me again and I was at a 9, so I was told to hold off on the pushing. I know that's for the best but let me just tell you, not pushing is near impossible when your body is telling you to. The way someone once described it to me is dead on: it's like throwing up but in the opposite direction! I mean how do you not do it! So I got through it by breathing low and deep and letting the air out in a hum. Stephen breathed with me every breath and reminded me how to do it when I started tensing up. Stacy stood by my face reminding me to breath and touching the parts of my face that tensed to relax them. Somehow I held out for that magic number 10 and was told I could push! It was 7pm.
Let me just say, I had never given a second thought to pushing. I had always heard it was the best part and usually didn't take more than an hour. So I don't think I was really prepared for what pushing was for me. For me pushing was the hardest. Initially, when Daniel started crowning after about 30 minutes of pushing, I was thinking "great he'll be here so soon!" But no, pushing took 2 hours and 45 mintues for me. Yes, that poor baby boy's head was crowning progressively for 2 whole hours but he just would not come out. I have NEVER felt more exhausted or spent in my whole life. It was hard because everyone was telling me, "That was a great push, you're doing great, we can see him, he's coming, he has tons of hair!" But in my mind I kept thinking "Then why isn't he here yet! Why is this taking so long!" During this time they gave me an oxygen mask to breathe from because I was clearly getting dizzy from pushing for so long and being so exhausted. But I couldn't stand wearing it so I just held it to my nose. At one point we had a scare where Daniel's heart rate dropped way too low and the Dr said if that happened again he'd have to use forceps or do a C-section quickly. Luckily that did not happen again! I was pushing about 3 to 4 times each contraction. And it hurt each time. The only thing that got me through was the constant encouragement of Stephen, Stacy, our nurse Leslie, and the very patient on-call Dr, Dr Jones, who stayed there massaging me and working with us for about an hour and a half. Finally after about 2 hrs and 15 minutes Dr Jones suggested an episiotomy. I knew that ideally I didn't want one, but this situation wasn't ideal and they said if I got one, Daniel would probably come out in one to two more contractions. I knew it was what I needed so I told the Dr. to go ahead and do it. After he cut the episitomy (yes I was given a local if you were wondering) it still took a good 30 minutes for Daniel to come out, so I'm so glad I got it! Feeling a baby come out of you is like nothing else in this world. I can't even describe the joy/relief/rushing feeling I felt on that last push when he finally came out! He was born at 9:48 pm, 8 lbs even. I was so incredibly happy to know he was okay and that we had done it! I had done it! And even though my experience threw a few curveballs, it was perfect.
They weren't able to lay him on my chest because he had a really short cord for some reason. But Stephen did get to cut the cord. They also had to take him away for about 10 minutes because he had some trouble breathing initially. But then they brought him back to me and he was fine and he was beautiful and he was mine. I could not believe how beautiful he was. Stephen and I were in awe of him. I nursed him with some help for a while and then it was time to get cleaned up. Yes I was so sore but I had so many endorphins running through me I was on cloud nine. I had so much energy right after. Stephen was exhausted. Poor guy probably massaged me for 6 hours straight! But he of course was on cloud nine too.
We watched them bathe Daniel. The nurse had to wash his hair 3 times because there was so much of it! I hardly slept at all that night because I kept staring at him :)
I was so happy with my experience of giving birth to Daniel. I was so blessed to have the help and support system I did. Yes, it was difficult and no, it was not all what I was expecting (when is it ever?) but I was so happy to have a healthy baby. And he has been a joy to us ever since!
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| Leaving for the hospital |
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| Early labor (hence the smile :) |
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| Sweet baby |
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